if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
