We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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