well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
