I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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