Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
