I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
3pm strippers are depressing
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
