im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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