hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Barsexuality is the new black.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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