i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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