this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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