batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
