perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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