Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize