Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
