Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
