when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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