i already hear my dad disowning me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
