i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize