I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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