from now on my penis is your penis
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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