I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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