I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize