I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
