College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
People in love make me want to vomit
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize