Kareoke will never be a sober sport
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
