she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
