So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
