I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize