i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
