Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
