I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
