She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
