the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
