were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
