a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
