as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
