Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize