omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
