She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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