You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
