I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My penis needs a shock collar
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
