Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Houston, we have a squirter
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
