Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
