I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
