I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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