you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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