Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
