Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I heard we made out
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
