we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I AM VODKA MAN
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