Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
