handjob tips. give me some.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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