Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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