her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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