im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
