Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
