What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
