You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
