Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
