she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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