She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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