at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
