I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
