I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
