wanna go halves on a baby?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
