I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
