So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
