I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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