party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
