So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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