someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
