Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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