Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
