So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
